Everyday Torture

By Isabel, Misophonia, United States, September 26, 2018

I had a perfectly normal childhood up until I was nine. One day I noticed as I sat down to eat with my family all these different sounds that they were making. Of course I had heard the sounds before, but it wasn't until now that I had payed them much attention. I didn't know how to handle my emotions at the time, so like any toddler would, I threw a fit. My parents thought I was just being a fussy child and I lived a few more years like that, dreading mealtimes. The worst day with my condition was when my mom was watching a spanish soap opera. If you haven't heard what one of those sound like, you should consider yourself lucky. Heavy exaggerated breaths every second along with eating and other dramatic sounds. I was in the kitchen trying to hurry up so I could leave but I started fussing. Eventually my mom got fed up and forced me to sit at the table infront of her as she watched it. To make matters worse, she wouldn't even let me cover my ears. Tears streaming down my face and screams coming from my mouth as I had to endure it all. Thrashing and whining like a dog. Later that day I had headaches beyond measure and cried myself to sleep. I was about 10 or 11. The years passed and things didn't get much better. During the rest of my elementry school time I had to wear those big, bulky, and ear scraping headphones schools use for computers. In middle school it wasn't so bad, but once I started freshmen year things turned for the worst. I couldn't do anything in class due to coughing, whispering, and all other known trigger sounds. My grades fell low and my will to live fell lower. I developed depression and even attempted suicide several times. Finally, my dad did some reasurch and found out what was wrong with me. I didn't get the name right at first, calling it "mysopia" until I looked on my own and found it was really called "misophonia". I know, big difference right? Well eventually I got some noise cancelling headphones, earplugs which I wear almost 24/7(obviously not the same pair that's just disgusting), and have my hair over my ears all the time. For education, I take the classes I need to focus more in virtually and got a 504 and and IEP (disability plans). Things are still rough and I'm still suffering, but things are 10 times better than they were before. My family tries to understand in the best ways they can, but they still don't understand what it's like to wish for deafness. I'm feeling happier now and I hope whoever's reading this can find ease from their misophonia like I did. Stay safe out there humans :3

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